I am quite the man. I’ll be blunt: I am extremely well hung. Yes, ladies, it is enermous. I can barely handle the thing with one hand usually I use two just for safety’s sake. It’s simply not safe. If I were to lose control of this thing someone could get hurt. If only you could see this sucker. Of course, you can’t. Hell I can’t even see it. But, trust me, it’s enormous. Simply enormous.

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After my last ad didn’t really get me the response I wanted I decided I needed a new hobby. I really enjoyed swinging, but the people who wanted to swing with me really weren’t the kinds of people I wanted to be around. For some reason my fellow swingers were insanely promiscous. They wanted to just sleep with everyone! And it didn’t even seem to matter if they were in relationships. In fact, it seemed like most of the ladies were in relationships, and their boyfriends or husbands didn’t even care that they wanted to be with me! So, anyway, I’ve taken up a new hobby. So anyone out there interested in meeting a hooker should drop me a line. I’m new to this whole hooking thing so be patient with me. By the way, what does it mean when someone asks if I’m “full-service”?

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It’s not easy being the prince of darkness. I am doomed to walk the Earth for eternity with a giant goat’s head, wearing nothing butmy BVD’s. Plus, everywhere I go the sky turns black. Actually, everything turns black. Ladies see me and just run screaming in to the night! And, look, I can’t even walk on water like that other guy. It totally sucks. I need to find a very understanding woman who can get past all this. It would also help if you don’t have a problem with human sacrifice, or at least killing goats and cats and stuff.

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I hate people. So just wander off and leave me alone.

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I have to comment this time. That is some good reverse psychology work there Lou.