Nazi Oompa Loompas?

Here we are finally getting over the hangover from hell. I have to admit it's not my worst ever, but it is up there. Now I don't even know if I'm stihang-overver or just getting sick. A massage would probably help if I knew a masseuse. I mean a real massage though. Not one of those happy ending deals. OK. I'd accept the happy ending, but that wouldn't be the purpose of the massage. (For the record, I only take massages from women I'd want to bang. It just works better if you happen to sport some wood. That way you don't have to be embarassed by it, and if they take a hand's on approach, it's all good.)

This is not helping me meet women to say the least. It makes even looking at personal ads a chore. Actually it's already a chore. Half the time I can't make myself actually read the text. Sometimes it has useful information, but usually it's useful in that it tells you to stay the hell away from the person. But the fact is most people just can't write. That's cool. You just have to get to know them some other way.

But I have spent some time moderating ads. The nice thing there is all I have to do is see if the ad violates any rules. It's pretty easy. And every now and then you come across something interesting. I'm not talking about some Hottie to hit up because the thing I review doesn't tell me where they are from (although I do like seeing some of the pics). Instead, there is some funny ass shit.

First, I am amazed that people can't figure out to either get a red-eye reduction camera or at least do a little touch up. I am seeing pics where these people look like fucking demons. In the past that may not have been an issue, but I plan on avoiding demons from now on.



OK, I'd have probably avoided her anyway. I don't date anyone who's the same shade as an Oompa Loompa.

But the guys seem to be the one's with real problems when it comes to choosing pics.



The guys also seem to have a problem knowing what impresses the ladies. This goes beyond the no shirt look (Although the girl that wrote in her profile "If I see one more guy without his shirt I'm going to gag. It's patehetic, really." said it better than I ever could.). Guys have limited space and use it telling you the specs of their car. But it gets worse when you look at the pics:


Baby, have I got a great idea for something we can do on our big date...


Well, after a few of these I bet he can't make a 4 foot tall pyramid of beer cans.

Listen, I am all about the fun, and I am clearly not normally averse to alcohol. I've done more than a few beer bongs, and I am sure there are pics of me doing one somewhere. (Never made the giant beercan pyramid though) But If I have just one pic to try to catch a lady's eye, it won't be one that screams alcoholic. Granted it's harder to get away with that at 35 than it was at 19, but I don't get it.

Women seem to be much more clever in their pic choices:



See, in her profile she swears she's actually skinny and the pic is just funny, but I'm not buying it. I'm not even convinced that is really a gag mirror. Either way, she has it made. If you do see her and she is chunky it's not like you didn't see a pic. And guys may just be dumb enough to fall for the idea that the pic is just for fun.

And then there are the nightmares. I tried hard to find the one that looked like she wants to sacrifice your baby to Satan, but didn't have any luck. (You have no idea what I had to go through looking for her pic, by the way) But I did come across this guy.


Huh, Interests? Fighting for a White Nation with my fellow comrades. Staying late at the pub and getting into brawls.

And lest you think I am making fun of this guy unfairly, that is an actual quote from his profile. I doubt a man can be more loving than when he is burning a cross in the nwighbor's yard or jumping a small Indonesian kid walking out of the liquor store.