OK, I am a very creative woman, and I need the same from a guy. Can you think outside the box? Can you handle life's challenges with unique solutions? How do you handle it when you face a seemingly insurmountable problem? In my life I have faced many challenges. For example, my surgeon came to me and explained that he just couldn't fit any more silicon in by boobs. Most women would let this get them down, but not me. I said to him, "Then let's find some other place to start putting it!" I knew some women like to make their lips bigger, but that is done with collagen. But NOBODY has ever used silicon to get a fuller nose. So that is what we have done, and look at the amazing results! You know you want me, but can you handle me?
Let me be your super hero! As you can see, I am an incredibly strong man. When I'm not busy saving the world I have a gentle side too. Sure I can crush a lump of coal in my hand to make a diamond, but that doesn't mean I don't need love too. I know it's intimidating to be with a superhero. I promise to be gentle. Besides, I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
I have to say, I think this is about the best picture that has ever been taken of me. The amazing thing is that you would think that after robbing a liquor store at gunpoint, leading police on a 13 mile high speed chase, being drug out the passenger side window by my ears and beaten by 4 massive roid raging cops that I wouldn't take a good picture. But I'll be damned if I don't look great!
That's right baby! I am on a rock and roll Jihad. My first single "Martyr For Your Love" will be out in a few weeks, and you know you want to ride my Crazy Train to Paradise City. If you want to be one of my 72 virgins, you better get out of that burka and in to my tent. Let me see your camel toe, and maybe you can join my "terror cell".
HI! I'm Carl. This is my friend Robby. He is my best friend. Robby wants you to come see us. Want to play with me and Robby? Robby would like that. I would like that too. Me and Robby would like that. Come play with us. Don't make Robby cry. Poor Robby.
My friends and I have a record. At this point we have perfected the 5-man train. The time has come to expand our horizons. Yes, we want to go for 6. But we need a special guy. You will start at the front of the train. If your skills measure up, you too could get the coveted middleman position. Do you think you can join our team? Are you man enough?
I just had to post my pic. Thank God there is a place for dog lovers like us to hook up! Others just don't understand us. Why should our love for our pets have boundaries? As you can see from my pic, my dog and I both LOVE the same position. Of course, I guess I don't need a boyfriend, since I have my dog. But if you're a dog love swinger, maybe we can talk. Never tried it, but maybe it would be fun!
Let's just put our cards on the table. I want your love, and I am willing to pay for it. As you can see, I have the resources. Clearly, if you are still reading this, you are interested. Now we just need to negotiate the price. I open the bidding at $100.
I'm not just looking for the love of my life, I'm looking for some friends. I want friends that are more understanding. I just don't get why the guys at the gym found it weird that I would have a camera in the lockerroom? I mean, seriously, so I flexed and took my picture in the big mirror. How is that weird? And then when I started taking their pictures you'd have thought I was killing their grandma. And what is so strange about a camcorder in the shower?
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Why can't I find that special woman? All of my friends have girlfriends or wives. Some actually have both! But I just can't seem to find someone. So here I sit, in my satin and chiffon, waiting for you to drop me a line. Will you be the woman to get me to be the one saying I do, instead of being the one holding the bouquet?
I want a man that can keep me in the style to which I've become accustomed. For me, that means I need to be clothed in furs. But I hate a lazy man. Anyone with money can go to the store and buy furs. I want a man that can go and get them himself. Nothing is as sexy to me as a man that go out, track down a critter, kill it, and then skin it with his bare hands. If that is you, then drop me a line. If it's not you, you are weak and pitiful and should be ashamed of yourself.
I want a guy with a little more class than my ex. Yes, he's the asshole behind me in this pic. He was always suggesting I see a doctor and asking what I ate. I kept asking if he was making fun of my weight, and he'd say no, but when I asked why he said it he'd just light a match or spray some air freshener and leave the room. That is no way to treat a lady!
I need a woman that can support my life's ambition. We all have dreams in life. Some want to be doctors. Others want to play baseball. For me, I want to be the first male Playboy Bunny. Yeah, I know the Playboy clubs have shut down, but I think they will be back. And when they are, I want to be the first man to do the "bunny dip" with Hef's martini.
I take my health very seriously, so you need to be all about that. There are certain things I like to make sure I take care of. I make sure to have regular check-ups. I try to eat right. And I always make sure to do my self exams. Maybe you can help me with that one!
Ladies, I am an old fashioned cowboy. You know what that means. I only take my hat and boots off for one thing. So, you think you'll be the lucky lady to help me get these boots off? I hope so, because that saltwater did a number on them. Damn things are tighter than hell now!
I'm really confused, so maybe you guys can help me out. I posted my ad and I got a lot of great responses. At first I thought these were really generous guys because they kept talking about showering me with gold. But I guess they weren't so nice, because once we went out they wanted me to piss on them! I was really grossed out, but these guys kept saying with an ad like mine, they thought I was in to that. So I totally rewrote it, and I am STILL getting these freaks! Help me out! Why is this happening to me?
As you can tell, I am ready for our date! I have my outfit all picked out. Got the kneepads on. Let's roll! What's that you say? What I'm wearing doesn't go with your outfit? That's cool...I have other choices. Just tell me which one works for you. I hope you like raucous games of Twister, because it's right hand red, left leg blue. Wait till you see me spin that arrow...
OK, so, like, my sister said she met some great people from here and said I should post an ad too. I was all, 'I don't know what to do.', and she was like, "Just do what I did in my ad." So, like, I did, and I am getting a lot of emails. But, like, they are all from guys, and I'm all, you know, straight. I am not sure what I did wrong, but any help would be, like, great.
I can not stress this enough, I really was serious when I said I want a woman who is both drug AND disease free. Why is it so hard for some chicks to understand how important that is?
OK, so I was born wothout a nose. So I have an ailment that makes my skin less than smooth. Does that mean I am not worthy of love? Why are you guys so superficial? Why can't you see beyond the surface and see the wonderful woman I am? I am so tired of being called a "mouth breather". What am I supposed to do, suffocate? And "wall face" is just cruel. I may have to just give up if I don't find someone soon. Maybe if I included a cleavage shot showing all 3 of my voluptuous tits in all their glory.
Would it be better to stand outside a proctologist's office?
You know, I have tried everything and I just have no luck finding men. I have stood outside bathrooms all over this great land of ours, and while I see lots of men, they seem to ignore me. Well, some of them don't ignore so much as look at me with disgust and run away. As you can see I have even tried the handicap stalls, because they can't get away as fast. But, you know what, those guys are fucking fast in those chairs! So, here I am. Come to me my loves!
You see this board? This is the board Ima beat your ass with if you don't go out with me. Don't think I won't do it just because I have 4 acquittals. Technicalities are a bitch. Well, for the cops anyway. For me, technicalities kick ass. In fact, I love technicalities almost as much as I love beatin your ass with this board. So you best message me now, or I will find you. Oh, and I like puppies too.
I am not a superficial guy. I do think I am kind of cute, but I don't think I'm God's gift to women. I do have one request though: Can you manage to be better looking than my last girlfriend? I mean, look at her! She has a smoking body, but that face! I understand she had a freak accident involving a volatile combination of cold cream and acne medication, but it was really more than I could take! I tried to tough it out, I really did, but eventually it got to me. I mean, my friends saying, "What's up with your girl's face?" and I say, "What do you mean?", and they fire back, "She ain't got one!" Yeah, it got to me. So, please, no women without faces.
I am a loving man looking for a loving woman. As you can tell from this picture, I love everyone. Well, except Yankees. I don't love them. I don't like black people either. Oh, and I am not fond of Catholics. I don't really like Jews, Mexicans or the Chinese. But other than that I love everyone, as long as they are white God fearing, English speaking Christians from the south. But not from Florida. Florida sucks.
challenges. For example, my surgeon came to me and explained that he just couldn't fit any more silicon in by boobs. Most women would let this get them down, but not me. I said to him, "Then let's find some other place to start putting it!" I knew some women like to make their lips bigger, but that is done with collagen. But NOBODY has ever used silicon to get a fuller nose. So that is what we have done, and look at the amazing results! You know you want me, but can you handle me?
