And no fish jokes!

I want a man that can do to me the things this seal can do. Do you see the look on my face? Can you make me look like that? Can you go 20 minutes without coming up for air? Probably not, so I suggest you move along.










female personals seal bikini

I also have a Baby New Year costume

I am Cupid, come to shoot you with my arrow of love. Sure it's strange for a grown man to tape wings to his back and run around half-naked with a toy bow and arrow. And maybe the really serious look on my face kind of contradicts the innate goofiness of this picture. And maybe it creeps you out just a little that I not only have this picture, but put it in my personal ad. But it makes me seem whimsical, right?


male personals cupid

Have to break format

OK, normally I make up some hopefully funny fake ad, but this time, I just have to comment on the pic. First, why the hell do you want to have your picture taken in a public bathroom? Did the pic at the dump just not come out? And, really, why the hell would you choose THAT kind of pic for your ad? There are certain places you really shouldn't be taking your camera. I know when I go to take a piss at a concert, I really don't want to think that I might end up in someone's photoalbum.





female personals bathroom

Christmas Tree Camo

I think it's important to blend in wherever I go.






female personals Christmas tree camo

Cheetah like Tarzan wood!

Me Tarzan. You Jane. Me want date. Tarzan like sex. We have sex. You bend over now. Me have wood. Look at Tarzan wood! My wood good. You like my wood?














male personals Tarzan

And this is a GOOD picture of him!

Hi, I'm looking for a new boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with my ex. In fact, we are very good friends, which is why I don't feel uncomfortable using a picture of us together. I think that it shows maturity when you can stay friends after a break-up. I am sure that you and I will get along fine, and if we ever do break up, we can be just as close as he and I are!







women personals devil

Breaker 1-9, this is Truck Stop Trudy

I am hoping this site will be better for meeting guys than where I have been trying. About half of the guys I meet try to get me to sell them meth. The other half stick a $20 in my bra and kick me out of their truck after our date. I need to find nice guys who don't want meth and won't kick me out. I am not sure why I am meeting these creeps. I had always heard truckers were the backbone of America. You would think truck stops would be perfect to meet good American men!

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Two for one special!

When you date me, you not only get the pleasure of my company, I bring my little friend!What could be better than a long walk on the beach, holding your hand (your right hand because I don't want to smother my buddy) and talking to the two of us? He's quite the little chatterbox. Now, you have to understand that this is a package deal, so when we retire to the bedroom, we will both be there. But don't worry, my friend is a very generous lover. He really gets in to pleasing you. Granted, there are a few things he can't do because he might suffocate, but he'll do things you can't even imagine. So, drop us a line. You won't be sorry.

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I have my own power tools

Do you want a hard working man? Listen, there is a reason I am wearing this hard hat, and I want to show you what it is. I have no problem doing what it takes to get the job done. But I am also all about safety, so not only do I have my helmet, I have my day-glo vest ready to rock your world. So drop me a line, and maybe we can hook up and you can get nailed with my love hammer.



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Kazakhstani television star seeks woman

In my home country of Kazakhstan we know how to treat woman. It goes God, then man, horse, dog, then women then rat. You see! We put woman right with dog, which you call man's best friend. I look for American woman who will enjoy many of hobbies I have like disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis. Girl must have plow experience and fit in small cage. Also, no jews.

Borat Kazakhstan personals male

I hope it's not contagious

I am not here to meet a guy. I am here to make new friends. I know that lots of people think meeting friends at a personals site is stupid, but I have a reason. I need friends that are reasonably attractive. It's not that I'm superficial, but I have some butt ugly friends! I think these girls are really scaring away guys. I know I have trouble looking at them. So, the idea is, I'll find some new friends that won't creep out the guys I meet. God I hope this works. These girls are starting to give me nightmares!


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Ice princess

Lots of guys say I am a cold hearted, money grubbing bitch. I have no idea what would make them think that.












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Party hat takes on a whole new meaning

I need a woman open to new experiences. As you can see, my manhood is different from most. I have accepted this. In fact, I consider it a blessing. Just imagine the things I can do that other guys can't! Trust me, it is an experience you will never forget.

[cone] [penis] [naked] [man] [personals]

Wanna go out? It Depends

My last boyfriend wasn't very understanding. The fact is it is a very common medical condition, and making fun of me is not going to make it go away. Yes, I understand it's not the best way to be woken up in the middle of the night, but I don't much care for it either! So if you are a sensitive and understanding man willing to put up with my one little problem, drop me a line. Hell, some guys really like it!

[pee] [female] [personals] [bed wetting]

More actual text

Hi I am the rockmeisster and I love rock music and play it loud. I have zany humour keep on rocking dudes

ummm...if you say so dude



[male] [rockmeister] [zany] [personals]

I can't even approach women!

I am a shy and sensitive guy who has trouble meeting women. Do you think you can help me?




It's not easy when you are too scared to even approach a woman, so I have to resort to the personals. I hope you will take pity on this poor soul.




[player] [personals] [men]

Who knew here were 2 of them?

My sister told me she met some very understanding people through this site, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I may have a smoking body with awesome cleavage. And I may have beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair and luscious lips. Heck I may even have perfect alabaster skin. But despite all that, it seems guys can not see beyond the fact I don't have a nose? Since when is a nose a requirement to be beautiful? I want a man that will set aside this one small flaw and see the beautiful woman that I am. Although, I have to admit that it is hard for me to give oral sex, since I can't exactly breathe while I'm doing it. Besides that though, what's stopping you?

[oral sex] [dating] [personals] [humor]

I even go to work like this

I am a sensitive man. I like candles, long walks on the beach and holding hands. But what I love most is bubble baths! I take 3 or 4 bubblebaths a day. I even had to get a special tub that could hold even more bubbles. Do you want to take a bubblebath with me?

[bubbles][old man][naked][bath][personals][dating]

I'm a 5 time winner!

You know what they say about guys with big ears? Well baby, my ears are award winning.

[dating][ears][award][personals]

A word to the wise

It is a very bad sign when even the guy that owns it won't touch a dick with his hands.

[itch][scratch][nasty][dating][personals]

My favorite month is June

I swear all I am looking for is a good time. I don't know what would make guys think I am trying to find a guy to drag to the altar. I swear, I want to just have fun, maybe have some dates. My interests include picking out china, diamond rings and Las Vegas. But I'm really not looking for anything serious, I swear!

[bride][marriage][personals]

Love me, love my friends

There is no way a chick is ever going to come between me and my bros. We are a very tight bunch. We've all had trouble with our women being jealous of our friendships, but I really don't know why. So if you are a woman who is able to deal with the fact me and my friends are tight, and won't get all jealous, then hit me up. I'm sure you won't regret it.

[gay][kissing][sex][dating][personals]

Don't even ask me about the guy that got hit by a comet

I am looking for a new lifemate. My last partner was killed last year when a fluke, very small, black hole suddenly appeared and sucked him in face first. It is tragic that this happened before we could have our civil union. But I am ready to move on with my life. Physicists assure me you have no more than a 30% chance of a similar accident if we go out, so you don't really need to worry.
[tagname][black hole][dating][personals]

Trannies on parade, part 2

Now that we've established...







that "a dress and press on nails does not a woman make..."











...can we all just agree...













...that most of these are pretty fucking bad...















...and some of you REALLY aren't doing much to help the image of transvestites.

[transvestites][sex][nasty][personals][dating]

Trannies on parade

This weekend we will have a special edition of Scary Personals. In this edition, we will discuss the tranny population. Now there is nothing wrong with being a tranny. Whatever torns your crank, so to speak.









While some of you are more convincing...

...than others...






...most of you are not fooling anyone...







...and having a dick means you are not a woman, so please don't place an ad saying you are.





And, seriously...at least TRY to look feminine.

[transvestites][scary][dating][personals]

It's OK...really

As you can see I am a very open minded man. Not only am I comfortable enough with my masculinity to wear lipstick, I am sympathetic with any number of social groups. Honestly, I think that the Transvestite Nazi Skinhead community is really misunderstood. Not that I am a member or anything. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Transvestite Nazi Skinhead. But I'm not one. Not that it would be bad if I was or anything.

[nazi][skinhead][tranny][dating][personals]

No Prince Charming here

I like frogs. I like to kiss my frog. I am happy when I kiss my frog. Do you want to kiss my frog? Well, you can't! Get your own frog!

[frog][creepy][dating][personals]

Worldly man wants caring homebody

As you can see, I am a very worldly man. They loved me in France. But, when you are so obviously a traveling man, it is hard to find someone special. Between my trips to Bombay and Cairo, I am just not home long enough to find the right woman. I am looking for a woman who also wants to travel. Of course I am taking a break for a while, so we won't be going anywhere soon. I am just traveled out. But I will regale you with stories of my adventures. And then maybe I can take you "around the world".

[paris][phony][travel][dating][personals]