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Mask? I need no mask!
It is I: Rubberman! I am sure you recognize me. With all my crime fighting I am really pretty famous. You've probably seen me on TV, in the papers, on the cover of Time... Of course, if you haven't then you must get to know me. One pet peeve though: capes. Hate 'em. So if you expect me to wear one in some sort of sick role playing, just move on to the next superhero personal ad. Maybe that loser Batman is out there somewhere. Oh, wait. He has Robin. Forget that idea.
Make fun of the shiny red suit in the forums.
Me? Posessive?
I am a very easy going woman. In fact, I doubt you will find anyone as easygoing as me. Unless, of course, you fuck with my tea cup. Jesus I HATE people that use my tea cup. This is MY tea cup dammit. I brought this from home! What makes you think you can use my tea cup? You too lazy to bring one of your own? Why should I have to use a Styrofoam cup just because you didn't plan ahead? Now I have to have this cup sterilized. Who knows what germs you have? Oh, and stop fucking calling it a coffee cup. I do NOT drink coffee. I drink tea asshole. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, anyway, you should drop me a line because I'm really easy to get along with. Really.
Tell me what you would put in her cup, in the forums.
I know what I like
Do you know what I like to do on dates? I like to have sex. In fact, I really like to have sex. Sex is a good thing. When I go on a date and don't have sex, it makes me sad. As you can see in this picture I have sex on many dates. Usually I have someone take a picture of the sex so I have something to remember it by. You don't want to make me sad do you? That is not very nice!
Let's talk about sex, baby...in the forums.
No, the left one is not low-fat...
The guys on this service are so lame. I am sick of you guys always calling me a slut, asking if I'll fuck you and saying you want to squeeze my tit. What is it with you guys and breasts anyway? I know lots of girls here have massive cleavage shots, or wear bikinis because they want attention, but I really think this top is fairly conservative. It's not that revealing is it? Oh, and why do the guys I meet here grab my hand and put it on their dicks as soon as we meet? I think this service must be full of pathetic hornball losers. How else can you explain the way a lady such as myself is treated?
Make your own tit jokes in the forum.
I need a woman I can look up to
I am looking for a tall woman. I don't mean like 6 foot tall. I am talking NBA center tall. Unfortunately I was injured in a freak badmitton accident which caused a broken neck that had to be fused in this awkward position to heal. As a result, most women don't work for me since I can't even see what they look like. I know that tall ladies generally prefer taller guys, and I appreciate that. But there have to be some out there that want a normal sized guy like me. Plus, our kids won't be freaks of nature like they would if you did find a guy the same height as you! Do you really want kids that have to duck to get through the door? I didn't think so.
Give me one good reason to post a pic this awful in the forums.
Fun with actual ads
Hey! I'm 22. I have 15 piercings and 7 tats. I already have an awesome boyfriend but we're taking a spritual journey apart from each other while exploring members of the same sex. So Girls only PLEASE!!!<3OK, hun...let me explain something just real quick here. I have known girls that went back and forth between guys and girls with no problem. But, you know, when a guy wants to take "a spritual journey apart from each other while exploring members of the same sex" it's because he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Take a spiritual journey apart from common sense in the forums.
Did I mention I shit?
If you are going to go out with me, you need to know something: I shit. In fact, I shit every say. Some days I shit 2 or 3 times depending on what I ate. If I am not feeling well it can be even more! I had a lot of pizza last week, and didn't shit for a couple of days, but eventually I did start shitting again. If you want to be with me, you need to accept that I shit, OK. Oh, and I also leave the door open when I shit. I like people to talk to me, sing to me, tell me stories... I even like having my picture taken when I shit! So, if you want a guy that shits, drop me a line. Because I shit.
Discuss how bodily functions affect your dating in the forums.
Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?
This is my favorite pic. It was, as you can tell, taken on my birthday! Yes, those were the days. I was a stewardess for British Airways. I loved my job. The extended time off between flights in London allowed me to have a great time down in Picadilly. We would drink all night and then run off to Mick's pad. Oh the stars I shagged. There was Jimi, Eric, David... Those were the days. What? I shouldn't post an old pic? I dunno what you're talking about!
Tell me about the famous British musicians you nailed in the forums.
The Spy Who Loved You
I challenge you to find a man as suave as I am. I know that you ladies secretly want the James Bond type, and here I am. Between my stylish attire, impeccible grooming and sophisticated demeanor, it truly is a miracle that I am still on the market. But luckily for you I am between Bond girls right now. I suggest you make your move because a man as desireable as me surely won't last long.
Tell us how you like your martini in the forums.
The good news is, I meet lots of doctors
I know most people do the online dating thing because it's a good way to meet people. Well, for me, when I say "online dating" I mean ONLINE dating. Unfortunately with this kind of skin condition I can't really go out, as it is contagious and would probably kill you. Somehow I am able to live with it, which the doctors have found quite amazing. Well, not the first set. They all died.
Well your favorite "I had a disease so nasty I had to be quarantined story in the forums.
Don't get me started on mops
I admit it. I'm a neat freak! It bothers me that some people don't even have the decency to pick up after their brooms, let alone have them wear a diaper. But I take responsibility for my cleaning implements. I'm not going to just let them shit all over the house! If you don't have such a reverence for cleanliness and sanitation, don't even bother writing to me. I hate slobs!
Tell us what you do with your brooms in the forums.
I like balls!
I need a coach. I have to be honest that a Lamaze coach won't cut it. I am really big on Pilates, so when I found out I was pregnant, I decided I needed a birthing process based on Pilates. Luckily for me my Pilates instructor knew about a new system, called Pillaze. So, since my baby's daddy doesn't want anything to do with it (can you believe he called me nuts?!?) I dumped him and am in search of a new guy. So, if you want to help me give birth to my child while balanced in several inflatable rubber balls, drop me a line. If you're good maybe I'll show you my Pilates Sutra book.
Tell us about your balls in the forums. Well, tell us in the forum, about your balls. I am assuming you don't have any balls IN the forum.
Good enough to eat
I think the title says it all. Just look at me. Handsome. Built. Active. Edgy. Successful. I have to admit that I am quite a catch. In fact, even I want to taste myself. I taste pretty fucking good too. Even my armpit is tasty. I tast mostly like vanilla, with just a hint of cinnamon. Come, see for yourself. We'll have dinner, and I'll be your dessert.
Give me your recipies for dufus in the forums.
Here boy!
In my room I want you here
Now were gonna be face-to-face
And Ill lay right down
in my favorite place
And now I wanna be your dog
Now I wanna be your dog
Now I wanna be your dog
Well cmon
Tell me what trick you think she does in the forums.
I prefer a vegetarian too
I have reached a point where I am ready to settle down. I mean I am really ready. I have had enough excitement. I want to avoid excitment. My doctor even told me, "No more excitement!" So if you are a lady who leads a very calm life, with little stress, and who won't cause me any stress, drop me a line. And, to those who keep asking, no I will not make you the beneficary of my life insurance policy on a first date.
Guess his medical condition in the forums.
I was walking down the block one day...
Man, I was walking down Harry Hines the other day, and this guy stops me. He asks if I want to party. Hey, I like to party, so I said sure. Then he says "How much?" Well, shit, this guy is not only taking me to a party, he's gonna pay me to go! I figured he probably needed a date or he'd be embarassed or something, so I said "$50". He says, "Get in." I was psyched. Then he takes me to this parking lot and asks what I do. Well, I just said "I'll do anything." But I was starting to think maybe I wasn't going to get my money, so I said "Where's my $50? Then we can party!" He gives me the money and next thing I know we're surrounded by cops, they drag me off and take this picture. Look good, don't I! Now that was a wild night. I wonder what happened to that guy...
Tell me about your thoughts on mugshots for personals in the forums.
That's the way I roll
Aww yeah, I be one hard core pimp. You want to be my bottom bitch? Well when I'm trolling the Wal Marts and Libraries lookin' fo' hoes, maybe I'll spot your ass and if you're looking fine in that blue smock, maybe you can hop in my Gremlin, and I'll take you for a ride. Best not get any shit on the sheepskin or I'ma have to backhand yo' ass. And if you have potential, maybe I'll take you back to my pad and you can show me your skills down in the basement. Don't worry though. Moms goes to bed early and she's a hard sleeper.
Tell me how you keep your hos in line in the forums.
Order now and get a free can of spray on hair!
New, from RONCO, it's Babe-in-a-Tube! Just give the tube a squeeze, and out pops the girl of your dreams. If you don't have a babe, why should you have to go to all the hassle of finding, dating and romancing a woman? Today's modern man doesn't have time for all that hassle. Instead, call 1-800-tubette and, for only 3 payments of $49.95 we will ship you a Babe-in-a-Tube. Available in blonde, brunette and redhead! Warning: do not shake Babe-in-a-Tube, may result in explosive reaction. Babe-in-a-Tube can cause heart palpatations in older users and users with a history of heart problems. Not to be used by women who are expecting or may become pregnant.
Tell me about your latest infomercial find in the forums.
Back to nature
I believe very strongly in 2 things: cleanliness and enjoying the great outdoors. That's why I do everything, and I do mean everything, outside. My nosy neighbors sometimes complain, but I really don't see what's wrong with a guy going out on his porch to blow off a little steam and rub one out. I mean, hell, it's my fucking backyard! Plus, I make sure not to get any on my clothes, so, ladies, you know I will always be nice and clean. Clearly I am the perfect guy for you. You know you want me. So meet me around back. I'll be the one without any pants on.
Tell me what you do in your yard, in the forums.
Luckily we were the same size!
Let me tell you a little about myself. I am fairly normal I guess. I mean, I like going to dinner and a movie. I like curling up on the couch and watching a movie. I even like long walks on the beach...LOL. But my passion is garage sales. Not just ANY garage sales though. I love it when a celebrity has a garage sale. I got this number when Cher moved a couple of years back. Pretty sweet, huh? I got some really cool knick knacks at a sell Robert Downey Jr. had too. Kinda weird though because everything had little hollowed out parts, and some weird white dust. I wanted to get some stuff from Michael Jackson's place, but my kids are just too old for Play Skool, and I couldn't find a matched pair of the gloves. Hell, why would one man have so many left hand gloves. What did he do with all the right hand gloves?
Where else has she been shopping? Tell me in the forum.
You deserve to be treated this good
Ladies, you deserve to be treated right. The man you need will cater to your every whim. He will lavish you with gifts and compliments. And, of course, he'll only have eyes for you. I hate guys that are out with their girlfriend and paying attention to everyone BUT her. What is that all about? So when you're ready to be treated right, drop me a line.
Your turn...lalala...in the forums.
It is I: Rubberman! I am sure you recognize me. With all my crime fighting I am really pretty famous. You've probably seen me on TV, in the papers, on the cover of Time... Of course, if you haven't then you must get to know me. One pet peeve though: capes. Hate 'em. So if you expect me to wear one in some sort of sick role playing, just move on to the next superhero personal ad. Maybe that loser Batman is out there somewhere. Oh, wait. He has Robin. Forget that idea.
