Actual text: August 23 Edition

"hi you want to pee in my mouth, yes? my name is Poop. Poop Butt. thank you!"



I guess we know why she has her mouth open like that.

Yes, I am sure she didn't actually post this herself, but how could I resist an ad with the phrase "I'm Poop Butt"?

I bet he wears it as a hat

I know a lot of you ladies are "size queens" and, well, this site won't let you post the kind of pics that will make it easy for you to see what I have to offer. Just consider this. What I have between my teeth... it's a little snug when I actually put it on. That's all I'm sayin'.


Why else would a man have a personals picture with a giant condom clamped between his teeth? Actually, is that even a good reason?

Know what AW stands for?

You know, just because I like to flash a sign that simulated going down on another woman does not make me gay.

It's the fact I actually like going down on other women that makes me gay!


FYI, I only make this joke because her ad says she's straight. Any time a woman uses the whole lesbian tease thing to get attention I start to think she's maybe just a little desperate for attention.

This was just too easy

It's OK to be freaky looking...

It's even OK to use stupid poses...

But it's never OK to look like you're taking a dump in your pictures.

OK, we'd make fun of you for those other 2 things too.

Anyone know what kind of gun that is?

I am a slim attractive blond who, as you can see, has a fantastic body. I love the outdoors and want a man who feels the same way. I've got some tats, so if that's a turn-off, you had better just move on to the next girl. If you think you can handle me, and will treat me right, drop me a line. If we do go out and you do anything to hurt me, be aware I WILL blow your balls off.


I like girls, and I like guns. But, somehow, the idea of combining the two scares me.

This time it's not my fault

I am posting this picture not because it would be the third time I have doctored a pic. In fact, I have made absolutely no changes to this picture. I did not airbrush the tattoo, the cigar, the small floating turtle in the corner and/or the block across the eyes. Instead I am posting this picture because I am quite certain that she is thankful that he has protected her privacy because I sincerely believe she regrets having ever had her picture taken in a hot tub with this man.

Note, I didn't say tit man

I'll admit it. I am a chest man. There is nothing I like more than a nice chest. In fact, I was never satisfied having only one chest, so I added two more chests to my chest. My doctor and I are thinking of adding another couple of chests, and maybe even some extra abs. Frankly, you can never have too much of a body on your body.


Part of me wonders... are those even pictures of his body, or is he stealing pics from some guy he thinks is well built?

Actual text: August 16 Edition

"HEY JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS! DON'T WANT TO CHAT ABOUT SEX OR NONE OF THAT DUMB SHIT..."


Heaven knows that no guy would think that a chick who posts her pic naked on the net might want to "chat about sex or none of that dumb shit".*

*Note: This is only the second time I have EVER altered a pic. I just had to protect this one's identity, and even I have to enforce a no blatant nudity rule, so the nipples had to be airbrushed out.

We all have our addictions

I'll admit it. I'm a crack addict. Every where I go if I find some crack, I snort it. I know you're supposed to smoke it, but that doesn't usually go so well. Hell, I tried to light this guy's crack on fire and the S. O. B. damn near killed me. But I want more crack. I have to have the crack. Show me your crack. I'm begging for it!


All the hot chicks with low-rider jeans running around, and this tool decides to get a pic of some fat guy's ass crack. I worry about our society.

What a monsterous python

I have had to resort to personal ads because my regular approach isn't working. It seems women just don't like it when you come up to them in the park and say "Wanna touch my snake? It's huge"! I'll never understand women at all.


He really should pick up that litter over there on the left. We all must do our part to take care of our planet.

I wonder if he rapped in the commercial for a free pair

You know you want me. I've seen all the attention guys get here if they pose without their shirts. I know how sunglasses can make you look mysterious. And if bedroom eyes are sexy, I would say a whole damn "bedroom face" should be setting your loins on fire. So drop me a line. You would be amazed how quick I'll get back to you.


My guess is he'd get to actually make that O-face more often if he stopped wearing those Blu-Blockers sunglasses. Just a theory.

He's done enough without my help

Because who wouldn't want a guy who poses in front of the pin-ups on his wall and thinks it's a good idea to give you the finger in his personal ad?

It had so much potential

I am really looking forward to our first date. I get real excited about meeting new people. It's so much fun seeing if someone is the same in person as they seem online and on the phone. Do they use the same voice in person as they do on the phone? Are they really interested in trip hop and capable of discussing it for hours on end? Do they really like Thai food that is extremely hot? Do they taste like they look in their picture?


Somehow this picture truly fails when it comes to the potential for hot girl-on-girl action.

I'm not writing an ad tonight

I think the shirt says it all. After all, we all know that most women don't give a damn about money, right?

Actual Text: August 9 Edition

"hey This is George of (location withheld to protect the moronic). I'm working as a surveyor assistant. Also I'm a professional table tennis player and a coach. I'm a people person and interested to know new girls."


I am shocked to learn that being a "professional table tennis player" pays so poorly that the poor man has to work a second job as "a surveyor assistant". Although not quite as shocked as I am to learn that you can find work as a "table tennis coach". Not the least bit surprised he needs "to know new girls" though. I imagine the ones that already know him all changed their numbers.

Busted!

Been caught eatin'
once,
it was at 5'.
Yeah I'd done it 'fore then,
it's just as simple as that.
It's just a
simple fact,
when I want something and don't want to be seen eatin' it,
I squat down
on the floor.
I squat down on the floor.
Hey alright,
I got big thighs,
cause it's mine.
Mine all mine.


Nothing sexier than a woman squatting on kitchen floor hiding while she eats God knows what. OK, well maybe there are a few thousand sexier things.

Does he even have a body?

I know what you ladies really want. You want a guy who knows how to use his mouth. I'll tell you right now, I KNOW how to use my mouth. In fact, I use my mouth to do everything. I have even perfected a way to brush my teeth without using my hands. Of course, not having any hands, I kind of had to learn different ways to do some things, but still.


I know one thing, there's no way I'm getting in a car with this guy. Then again, it's not safe for me to ride with anyone I feature.

I wonder if she used a gun or her bare hands

I need a man capable of carrying a full sized moose. See, I can kill the damn things, but they sure are heavy. I have probably killed 50 of them, but then the best I can do is climb on it's back and have my picture taken. I do usually cut the head off so I can mount the antlers on my wall, but I really want the whole moose for once. And don't tell me to get a 4-wheeler. A lady doesn't go around riding something like that, and I am a lady.


You know, I am not opposed to hunting, but is it me or is she wearing the same kind of gloves you'd wear to wash the dishes?

It looked better on Halle Berry

Sometimes I am evil, I admit that. But how can you ignore the times I actually helped Batman? Sure he sometimes gets in my way and thwarts my plans, but other times he and I are on the same page. Oh, and to those of you who doubt I am the real Catwoman, how, exactly do you explain my shiny vinyl suit? You think just anyone can get a suit like this? When was the last time you saw one at Target?


Is it just me or does it look like this guy is not only dressed up like Catwoman, but he's at a skating rink? If I ever see a guy like this when I take my kid skating there's going to be an ass whipping.

Take a number

I am very seriously interested in finding my next guy. That is, as soon as this guy is done.


I always love the classy ads.

Actual Text: August 2 Edition

"6'1" 170LBS just a laid back guy who likes to go out and party every weekend and play beer pong when im done workin"


Because nothing says "laid back" like as guy with a handgun.

I only see one black eye, soooooo...

I have nothing to add here, Except to say, nice tie.