Now is that Nair or Nare?

I have a simple request. Please stop emailing me coupons for razors, depillatory creams and bikini waxes. All I want is a date. is that too much to ask? I would think I'd get one easy. I put up the bikini shot you guys like so much. Is it my boobs? Are they not big enough?



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At least they're honest

We are what we are and that's all that we are. So, if you want your butt fucked, drop us a line. If we don't get back to you quickly, please be understanding. We are probably just busy fucking each other's butts. After all, bro's before ho's.

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Love for sale...

Why do I get the feeling if I had asked if she were for sale she'd slap me?







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You got back?

I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung




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Guess what a Franklin will get ya'

Now, I am not saying that how much you "tip" me will impact how good our date goes, but let's just say the guy that took this pic hasn't stopped calling.


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What about me?

OK, all of these people who "love" their dogs, but what about the rest of us? There are thousands of other species out there to "love". There are people that "love" horses, cows, sheep and, my personal favorite, goats. What about us? Are we just supposed to hide our "love"? Well I won't do it dammit! I love goats, and I'm damn proud of it!





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Look what I cn do!

Rather than make fun of this ad, which would be way too easy, I will just say I want this girl's number. I am not sure I'd want a woman who puts this pic in her ad to know where I live, but I would like to have her number.








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Want me to drive by your house, repeatedly?

Hi. I am a really nice guy. If you want someone who is attentive, I am your man. In fact, I remain attentive even after we break up. Take this picture for example. This was taken by my last ex as she played with her kids in the park. The DA was nice enough to give me a copy after the trial. Now, I will tell you that I can't travel right now. I'm not supposed to go more than 500 feet from my house, actually. But it's OK because there is a restaurant on the corner, so it won't crimp our style at all.

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Whew!

All I can say is that I feel much better now and am ready for our big date!












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I'll try anything once

As you can see from this picture I am a very open minded person. I am really willing to try all sorts of things. I mean, heck, I never thought I would like having various vegetables shoved up my ass as I bent over, but look at the smile on my face! I like women that are as open minded as I am. Unfortunately the ex-girlfriend in this pic broke up with me shortly after my friend with the goatee took the other cucumber and...well, let's just say that she just isn't as open to new experiences as I am.

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Last call

After lots of nights at bars, I have come to a conclusion. I am a "closing time girl". It seems I have this look that guarantees attention from the guys, as long as they have had a beer or twelve. So I decided what I should do is post my pic the way I would look IF you were drunk. So, if you like what you see, drop me a line. Then you can have a few beers and we can go out. Good plan, eh?







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Bow down bitch

I am your God dammit. You will respond to this ad. You will worship me. Get your ass on your knees. Send me your money. Do everything I say. And, by the way, I like chinese food, bowling and long drives in the country.










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Look at my boobs!

Look at them!

Now!












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What the hell!

OK, I need a woman. Maybe a nurse would be good. There's this, um thing I want you to look at. I'm not really sure what it is, but it has me a little worried. You may want to bring some of those rubber gloves.


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Time for another one with actual text

In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*. Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.





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Dum dum da dum

Any guess what I consider a perfect first date?













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Why do you think this is strange?

Hey ladies. There's room for one or two more in our tub. You like a guy who isn't afraid to admit he likes bubble baths? Well, we sure aren't. In fact we are proud of it!
And anything as great as a bubblebath is the kind of thing you have got to share with the people you love. So why don't you stop on by and we'll all bathe together. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.



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Wanna watch me lick a box?

I need a man who won't mind doing the little things with me, like laundry, renting a movie and going grocery shopping. In fact, I REALLY love grocery shopping. I really love the cereal aisle. It's almost as good as the cracker aisle. So, if you are a guy who thinks of the outside of the box, drop me a line and we can hook up. And if you want to win my heart, bring me a box of Wheat Thins on our first date.


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I like wieners

Ladies, help me out here. I need to get more replies from women. All I get now are replies from guys who want to show me their "sausage". I don't know what the deal is with that, but it is frustrating.







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We're doin' it doggie style

Can you tell what I want to do on our date?












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I also jerk off

I believe in getting right down to business, and not wasting any time. Here I am. I shit. Deal with it. If you can't handle knowing I shit, move along. There is no room for secrets in a relationship. Besides, everybody shits. If you don't shit, you die. I don't want to die, so I shit. So if you want a real man, shit and all, drop me a line. Oh, and can you get me a roll of toilet paper? Thanks.


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Jimmy Choo, I love you

I need a man that can share with me my life's true passion: shoes. There is nothing as precious in the world as the right pair of shoes. It is shoes that make the world go 'round. You will never know a woman until you walk a mile shopping for shoes with her. In short, one word. Shoes!







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Paris, eat your heart out

I'm a very dirty boy, can you come and help me clean up?















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What's an oral fetish?

Hi! I like popsicles, ice cream cones, lollipops and Fun Dip. I have been told I am a very fun girl, and a great date. I don't know why guys like me so much, but they do. And while we have a good time, I have to be honest that I'd like a date where it's not just sitting in his car or going to a movie and sitting in the back row. It's kind of lame though because I only see part of the movies usually. So, I am hoping to find a guy where we can have more fun on the dates. Drop me a line!

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Now is the time on Sprockets when we date

Why is it that the truly brilliant are doomed to a life of obscurity, surrounded by a sea of mediocrity, only to end up covered in sores in a pool of their own filth? Oh well, the beat goes on. I'm happy as a little GIIIIIRL! Would you like to touch my monkey? Touch him! Love him! Liebe meine abst-monkey!







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It stands on its own

Once again, nothing I can add.


















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I'm afraid to use a razor

You need a guy who is not afraid to get in touch with his sensitive side. I am all about bubblebaths, candles and potpurri. I also love kittens, roses and pedicures. I know I may look like a tough guy with all my tattoos, but I am really very sensitive. What I want is a woman that will look beyond the outside and let me be myself. She also needs to have her own hair clippers because I have a fucking forest of pubic hair down there.

 

 

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I am not a selfish lover

Yeah, I'm one of those guys that really loves his dog. But I don't want you thinking badly of me. My dog's pleasure is just as important as mine! I know that, like all bitches, she likes to be held and kissed. She loves to be caressed, and wants to make sure I touch her in all the right places. So if you're a fellow dog lover, drop me a line. Maybe we can trade tips!


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I started with bowling pins

Hey guys! You know you want to be where this ball is, and I know that I have trouble finding guys that satisfy me. Don't make me keep using bowling balls! What I want is a bald guy that is open to trying something new. Yes, I admit that it takes more than what you're packing to get me off, but if you shave your head, I'm sure we can make that work instead. But, be aware, stubble is VERY uncomfortable, so be sure you're freshly shaved when we go out, or I'll just go home to my trusty Brunswick.


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My skin needs to breathe

Ladies, I am very comfortable with the body God gave me. I feel that the way God makes us is the way we should live. So I spend my whole life naked. As you can see, this includes breakfast. If you don't feel comfortable with my beautiful body always being exposed, things won't work out for us. But if you are a fellow naturist, come on over. We'll do dinner. But, be aware, I don't grill. There was this one time I did, and...


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