I think his big gun is to compensate for something

Ladies, it's pretty clear what I have got to do. For weeks I have been running this ad, and I have gotten no responses. I send you all messages, and you don't reply. It's not like I'm a hideous monster or anything. So, desperate times call for desperate measures. Either you agree to go out with me or I will have to take drastic action. I think you can see what I am talking about. I also don't think you want that on your conscience. So I suggest you drop me a line. Quickly.

He also posted this note for some reason.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying 4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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She took the Suicide Girls thing too literally

I really don't know what to say about a partially grey haired woman who has a pic where she sits on a toilet with her legs spread, wearing a miniskirt, with a slashed wrist and bloody handprints on her shirt. But I do think she may have more important things to deal with than trying to find a date.

I bet she spends lots of time here.

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Maybe there's a clue on his hat

"Well...My name is Adam, Im real simple...I shoot my guns ,sit on my porch, and drink beer with my friends. Yup...that's about it! If you visit me bring me a case of natural light so... click yes!"

Most women really do like a guy who gets drunk on shitty beer to do some shooting from his front porch. I'm amazed he hasn't been snapped up yet. I wonder who he shoots at...



Post your theories on the great mystery.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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I'm a little behind in posting ads

You guys on here make me sick. A girl decides to get a lower back tattoo and you start calling it a "tramp stamp". Wear lowrider jeans and show a little thong and you think a girl is a slut or a whore. What is it with all of you? Every single one of you that I have met on here seems to expect me to have sex on our date. Hell, 3 of you started grinding on my ass when I bent over to get in the car. What gives?

Be sure to share your opinions at the "tail end" of this thread.

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5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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I must battle Lord Zedd

Hey ladies. I am a special guy looking for a special lady. She needs to be sweet, considerate and, of course, understanding. You see, sometimes my friends and I are called upon to fight evil monsters and robots from outer space. You'll just have to understand that when I put on the spandex, it can't be about us because I have a higher calling. Please don't hold it against me. You wouldn't want your house to be crushed by a three headed flying lizard, would you?

If your house is being crushed by a three headed flying lizard, don't hesitate to call the Power Rangers.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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Whose got the biggest balls of them all?

Why is it that men are so intimidated by women with brass balls? Are you guys really so insecure that you need a woman who is weak and submissive? I am proud of my brass balls! I scream it from the rooftops: "I have brass balls!" Ladies, if you have brass balls I say be proud. Let the world know!

Frankly, I refuse to date a woman who has bigger balls than I do.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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Look! It's Flabbio!

Ladies, you know you want me. You know you are sitting there at your computer, and are now just a little uncomfortable because your chair is starting to get damp. You know that you have just found the man you have been looking for, and you're afraid you may just be too late. Surely someone has already snapped up this hunk of a man. But, this is your lucky day. I am still available. You can be the lucky one. But you must hurry. Fly to me on wings of eagles before some other lucky soul wins the right to feel my passionate embrace. Fly to me! Fly my love!

Air sickness bags can be found in the back of the seat in front of you.

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Rub a dub dub

OK, rather than make up an ad for this one, I have a few observations:

1. Seriously girls, the swimsuits take this from potentially sexy to extremely dorky

2. The whole 2 girl thing loses it's appeal with bubble beards

3. Damn that's a small tub

Did I miss any? Let me know.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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Will the real Slim Shady please stand up

Yo, I am a hard motherfucker. You best step back before I unleash my mad rhymes on yo ass. But if you think you be gonna be my bitch you best step off, because ain't no woman gonna be able to handle all I have. Best bring your sister, your best friend and yo momma, cuz a man of my stature will bust a nut all day long and in to the night.

Check out his mad rhymes.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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Fun with actual text 10/13/06

"I'm a cook. 20 years old. I enjoy the hip-hop scene. Sxfx sucks. country clubs suck. i dont believe in god im dumb and acording to all of you im ugly thank you and have a nice day."

Well, it is nice to see someone with such charm and high self-esteem on here.


If you have anything to add about her, please do so here.

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How scary is this ad? 5 - Terrifying4 -3 -2 -1 - Mildly Disturbing View Results

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He said it first

You know, the funny thing is, when I first saw the pic, I didn't notice the caption. But immediately I was thinking "Hey, does a guy really want to make chicks think he has a habit of sticking things in the wrong hole"?

Where do you think he sticks things? Let me know.

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At least she's not a cat person

I don't know why so many guys seem frightened by how close my dog and I are. I mean, really, it just makes no sense. It's not like my dog is vicious or anything. I just don't get what the problem is!

People who dress like their dog support group meets here at 9PM.

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This personal ad no star BRUCE LEE!

First, I say once again, DO NOT PUT CAPTIONS ON YOUR FREAKING PIC! Second, if I had made up an ad with that same text I'd get hate mail.

Jackass.

Oh, and unless you click here, you're a jackass too.

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Men are like busses

Just because I spend most of my nights laying down in the streets doesn't mean I am someone you can just kick to the curb. I am looking for a man that will stick around for a while, not just until the next bus stops by. And it doesn't make me just some alley cat looking for a tom for the night. So if you are the kind of man who likes to take to the open road, drop me a line. I'll give you the number for the pay phone next to my bench if I think we click.

Click here for directions to her intersection.

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OK, did some stupid chick fall for this?

I was going to make a smartass comment here about how the guy is a "blockhead", but, truly, that humor is so obvious it's beneath even Scary Personals. So, instead, we'll just call him a douche. (Hi Taylor.)

Photoshop tips can be found here.

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Fun with actual text 10/05/06

"Just cause im a 21 year old mom that doesnt make me a skank."

Trust me. It wasn't the fact that you are a 21 year old mom that made me think you were a skank when I saw your ad.

Place your wing orders here.

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Look! Oily bohunks!

When you respond to this ad you don't just get one boyfriend. No, it's not a set of twins. It's not even 3 guys and a pit bull. If you answer this ad you will get 11, yes 11, boyfriends. Now, most of us don't actually own any shirts. And, yes, we do wear some body makeup. And it isn't as cool as it sounds having to go on all of our dates in a van. But how can you pass up the chance to date 11 guys at once? Keep in mind that not only do we share one girlfriend, we actually go on all the dates together. For some reason that makes some women uncomfortable. It could be that the goodnight kisses seem to take forever. The good news is that when you do decide to take things to the next level, we all sleep in one giant bed, so it's really convenient!

which one do you think is hot?

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It really is permanent

I need a man who can deal with the fact I am pregnant. No, I don't mean the fact I am having a baby. And, no, not a guy that can accept the fact I have a large belly. I mean a guy who doesn't look at my large belly and suddenly think that it would be a great place to use his Sharpie and practice his "art". Have you ever tried to get Sharpie off of your skin? And I can't even use the serious cleaning products because they could hurt the baby! Oh, and you also need to be able to see said markings and not laugh hysterically. That shit really pisses me off.

Know any good non-toxic products to remove permanent ink? Please share.

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I don't use a pick

I am really in to my music, so you need to understand that you will always come second to my guitar. My guitar and I are very close. In fact, ever since my guitar teacher told me that to be a great guitarist I needed to make love to my instrument, people have really seemed uncomfortable with just how close we are. Like, I was at an audition last week, and the guys in the band said that what I was doing to my guitar really creeped them out! Frankly, I don't see what's wrong with only playing naked. Some people just have issues I guess.

If you have seen this man's body hair, please let us know.

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Fun with actual text 10/01/06

"hey, im kinky and i enjoy licking my own anal region. i love it when old goth men email me and call me their dark priestess. i enoy having sexx with my cat."

And they say that you can't meet quality women online.

That is, of course, unless you frequent our forums.

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