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I am a simple girl and oh so innocent. I like to spend a lot of time in my bedroom just playing with my stuffed animals. I just looooooove my stuffed animals. And oh do they love me. They really love me. You have no idea how much they love me. In fact, I am really wondering if I'll be able to find a man who loves me as well as they do. Now if they weren't always so soft.


Thanks to the anonymous reader that sent this one in. I'd have never seen this without their help. And it truly deserves to be posted. Honestly... what the hell.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Want my attention? I bet you can figure out how to get it. I could say I want poetry and roses, but I'd be lying. I could say I want wine and romance, but that wouldn't be honest either. Heck, I could just say that I want to hug and hold hands but you'd never believe me. No, what I want is simple. I want respect. Really! Why don't you believe me?


I wonder how long it takes her to earn that much.

Actual text: August 23 Edition

"hi you want to pee in my mouth, yes? my name is Poop. Poop Butt. thank you!"



I guess we know why she has her mouth open like that.

Yes, I am sure she didn't actually post this herself, but how could I resist an ad with the phrase "I'm Poop Butt"?

Busted!

Been caught eatin'
once,
it was at 5'.
Yeah I'd done it 'fore then,
it's just as simple as that.
It's just a
simple fact,
when I want something and don't want to be seen eatin' it,
I squat down
on the floor.
I squat down on the floor.
Hey alright,
I got big thighs,
cause it's mine.
Mine all mine.


Nothing sexier than a woman squatting on kitchen floor hiding while she eats God knows what. OK, well maybe there are a few thousand sexier things.

Looks like a record to me

I have to post this pic because it shows what I certainly don't want in a guy. I know what you're thinking: "Hey, there's no guy in that pic", and you're right. There was, however, a guy taking the picture. And, well, he thought it would be really fun to whip out his dick. OK, that was kind of gross. Then he started to jerk off, which was just wrong. Bit then to spooge all over my friend's face (yes, it's a LOT of spooge). So, basically, what I want is a guy who won't whit it out ang spooge all over my friends. I hope I'm not asking for too much.


Frankly, I am just impressed at the sheer volume.

Can you say skank?

You know, just because I choose to post a pic showing not only the tops of my stockings, but my panties, does NOT make me a slut. It's the fact that I put out on every date I go on that makes me a slut!


I swear that my first thought was that some guy was trying to get a date for his Real Doll because he just couldn't keep up with her in the sack.

Honesty really is the best policy

All I can say is that my dating life would have been a lot easier if more women believed in this kind of truth in advertising.

I was gonna post a snarky fake ad, but ...

But, seriously, is it just me or does she have some sort of fungus growing all over her body?

Look closely at this guy

I have standards. As you can see, if you don't meet my standards you won't get anywhere with me. So I ask you to do this. Look at the man in this picture. Do you look better than he does? Do you really? Because if you don't, don't waste my time. I'm serious here. It wasn't just his bad breath that made me turn my head, although it was pretty rank. This tool just doesn't measure up. So look in the mirror. Are you any better? Are you sure?


I swear we've seen this girl before. I'm too fucking lazy to check the archives and find out, but I swear I've seen her before.

Chchchchanges

There comes a time in every girl's life where she has to make some changes. I have changed my hair, changed my eye colors. I even changed my boobs. Now the big one. I have got these old bras that just don't fit anymore, and I am going to make use of them some way or another. As you can see, they make nice headware. I am sure I can find all sorts of other uses. And I can't wait for winter to see how well they work as earmuffs!

Explain why she did this here.

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Just a quick observation

I was going to post an ad, but instead I just have a simple observation:

You won't tan dressed like that!

Make up your own damn ad.

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No, I don't need a lube job

I am a very self sufficient girl. I don't need a man to take care of me. As you can see, I don't even need you to pump my gas! Now, I don't know what is wrong with you guys. You must find a girl like me intimidating. All I keep getting is guys saying they want to show me their hose, or pump me. One guy said he'd love to fill my tank with premium, whatever that means. But whatever the problem is with you guys, I don't really care because, as you can tell, I am very self sufficient.

If you can figure out where the end of the hose is, tell me.

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Do you have "lumber" jack?

Guys, look at this picture and pay very close attention. What do you see between my legs? Yes, that is a big log. In fact, it is a huge log. I like my wood BIG. Oh, and it's not balsa wood. I like hard wood. What am I looking for? BIG HARD WOOD! So, unless you have BIG HARD WOOD, don't waste my time.

Please, keep your wood to yourself and out of my forum.

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