I bet the rest of her friend is cute

OK, I need a real man. I need a whole man. What good does it do me to have yet another person who isn't all there in my life. If you're not 100% behind me, then I don't need you behind me at all. It would also be nice if you lived in a building that wasn't strangely joined to another, very similar looking building.


I admit I've had this one for a while. Never could figure out what to write. Not sure I did well, but it was long past time to actually share it.

Is that a purse strap?

Point 1: IF you happen to find one of the very few women in this worold who are impressed by a pic of you "chugging", it is unlikely that they will be impressed if said "chugging is iced tea, even if you do have lemon on it.


Point 2: Most women, in seeing multiple pictures of you, taken on different days, would like to see evidence that you have more than one style of t-shirt.

Point 3: IF you do have only one stlye of shirt, the typical woman is likely to prefer that it not be comic strip themed.




Sometimes I just have to offer advice, even though it may not be "friendly" advice.

Even Obi-wan can't help this guy

I think you would like a guy like me. I'm really nice, I swear. But, if being a nice guy isn't enough, I have another little secret. See, I'm a Jedi. I know you thought Jedis were only in movies, but we're not. So I can do some really cool Jedi shit like make stuff levitate and all that. Plus dead Jedis come back and talk to me, which is really cool. When was the last time you went out with a guy who would bring friends to hang out that were semi-transparent and glow in the dark? I bet your last boyfriend's friends were neither semi-transparent nor glowing. I could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet I'm not.


The problem is that the ladies have not really been too impressed with this guy's "light saber".

I asked for a couple of numbers myself

...and to the guys who keep sending me messages, no I will not introduce you to any of the girls. Yes, I know they are attractive. Yes I know that there is something for just about anyone in this picture. Heck, even I am attracted to a couple of these girls. But, honestly, don't you think it's a bit rude to respond to MY personal ad asking if I'll hook you up with another woman. Well, regardless of what you think, I think it's rude. Of course it's not quite as bad as the guys who have been showing up at the restaurant. Now that's just in bad form.


New rule/suggestion. If you insist on having your picture taken with someone else is to have it be someone that makes you look better by comparison.

Where I come from we call that bait

I know a lot of ladies worry about size, but size isn't everything. Frankly I'm proud of it regardless of the size. Sure there are bigger out there, but this one is plenty big. I am quite sure it would be enough to fill you up. Besides, if it's not, we'll just throw in a potato, and some rolls. What? You don't like a potato with your fish?


I seriously have to ask: What is it with these guys and their fish?

Actual Text: September 13 edition

"i must be the devil, everyone who is supposed to go out with me on here, either them or their best friend ends up in the hospital that same day/time. so if i were you i would click no lol...the hospitals must be loaded to capacity! ruth, keep dreamin"


I would say Ruth may be one really lucky chick.

He could at least use real Tobasco

... Also you should be aware that, in addition to being a strict vegetarian, I believe sincerely in only eating foods produced locally. By locally I mean within 50 feet of my kitchen. As a result, I grow most of my own food. I do, however, live in an apartment, which does limit what I can grow somewhat. So if you cannot accept the fact I eat my houseplants, and those of my neighbors, then perhaps it is best if we just agree to disagree and you move on to the next ad...


I kind of hope he did pour the hot sauce on the plant, since it would then pour down all over his hand and the carpet. But I'm just mean like that.